The Nymph, the Witch, and the Agitator
by Margret Esmerelda Note Spelling
Summary: Larxene and Namine get stuck with laundry duty. Larxene decides to twist it to her advantage, entertainmentwise.


_Author's Note: A little filler story involving Larxene and Naminé, and the Origination's laundry, and I felt like picking on Roxas. This happens a week after the end of DYTR. I hope that I did all right with Larxy. I really love her, she's so evil, in a good way. I'm not too sure how plausible the interaction between Naminé and her is. So lay it on me._

_I also must give credit to Sapphire Shadows and ann no aku for BETA help and helping me come up with the title._

Warnings: Much making fun of Roxas. Larxene being naughty. OOC Naminé, I think.

Disclaimer: I don't own KH.

**The Nymph, the Witch, and the Agitator.**

Larxene glared at the fourteen large baskets in front of her. She had never understood why they couldn't just fob off laundry duty on some of the lesser Nobodies. She recalled Xigbar mentioning something about trying it once and it not working out. Which was stupid. If they could build and maintain a city, surely they could handle washing clothes. And if nothing else she was certain that Demyx and Roxas could sweet-talk their minions into doing it.

Secretly she thought the Dusks had finally drawn the line at laundry. They'd do anything else, steal, kill, offer themselves up as Keyblade fodder, but for some reason they wouldn't do laundry.

And if the Dusks refused to do it, the higher Nobodies certainly weren't going to do it. So that meant the Organization had to do its own laundry.

Not that Larxene blamed them. She certainly didn't want to do the laundry of twelve men ranging from fifteen to Kingdom-Hearts-only-knew-how-old-Xemnas-is.

Why she had to do it, she wasn't sure. She must not have pissed anyone off lately. Xemnas never entrusted such necessaries as cooking and laundry to people with a vendetta, which was why Marluxia and Axel never had to do it. They were always in a fight with someone or other. That also explained why Xaldin always cooked; no one was dumb enough to pick a fight with him.

Where the hell was Demyx? He was the one who usually did this. He generally got cleaning chores, what with being a water elemental and all. Probably on some mission god knows where being chased by god knows what.

Well, if she had to do this (whining about it only meant you had to do twice as long) she wasn't going to do it alone. The problem was who? As Number XII, she didn't have a whole lot of official influence. Of course, her champion eyelash batting had been known to sway even Vexen at times (and when that didn't work, threats of electrocution), she doubted it would convince any of them to wash the clothes of eleven other guys.

There were only two people she was technically allowed to give orders too. Roxas was out. Only a lifetime's supply of sea salt ice cream would convince him to help her wash and sort laundry, and then only maybe. And being Superior's "special little Keyblade bearer" meant he could weasel out of almost anything.

Then there was the Axel factor. The redhead seemed to be glued to the Key of Destiny. Assuming that by some obscure chance she did get Roxas to help her, Axel would probably come along too. Was there anything more awkward than doing laundry with your ex?

That left Naminé. She wrinkled her nose in distaste. Xemnas, in a rare display of complete idiocy, had thought the two girls would bond instantly. He had gone on at length at being glad that Larxene finally had some female companionship, and a lot of other garbage that only proved to the Savage Nymph that Xemnas got all of his information about women out of a book.

Naminé, fortunately, was not so foolish. One look at the Savage Nymph and she'd stayed out of the way, or at least tried to. Normally Larxene couldn't stand the girl. She was too timid and quiet and hardly ever looked up from that sketchbook. When she did bother to look up it was often at Marluxia. Larxene hated that.

Marluxia, who had found her that same rainy afternoon that Axel had found Roxas, had taken what at first seemed like a kind of paternal concern for the small girl. The true nature of their relationship was closer to that of a dragon guarding a precious treasure. He treated her like a princess, a captive princess, but a princess nonetheless. He said it was only natural, seeing as how she was the Nobody of one of the Princesses of Heart.

Larxene hated princesses. She hated the way Naminé fascinated the Graceful Assassin. She hated the way he compared her to a blooming flower. She hated how delicate the girl was, that promise of rare beauty. Worst of all, she admired the girl's skill at manipulation.

It was Larxene who had coined the phrase "the Memory Witch". It had surprised her to know that Naminé had adopted it as her title. Whether this was defiance or an attempt at supplication she didn't know.

What she did know was that Marluxia had put a great deal of effort into convincing the girl he was the only one who cared for her, and then the girl had snuck out into the night and found Demyx. Larxene didn't know why she'd bothered, the Melodious Nocturne was just another dragon, gentler than Marluxia perhaps but no less dangerous.

Still the Nocturne had made things easier. He prevented Marluxia from spending too much time with the witch, and encouraged her to associate with Roxas. The boy had become the center of the witch's world instead of the Assassin and Larxene approved of that.

Hmmm…

Larxene stared thoughtfully at the basket marked XIII. Roxas had quite the crush on the little witch. Normally he was quiet, pensive, moody and above all lethal. However, when Naminé was around he went all to pieces. He got all flushed and flustered, not to mention clumsy. He was a complete innocent in matters of, for lack of a better term, the heart. This made his interactions with the witch quite entertaining to watch, since he invariably did something stupid like falling down the stairs or dropping his ice cream, or in one extreme case tipping a whole pan of stovetop macaroni and cheese in the Superior's lap.

Larxene's lips stretched in an evil grin. Now what kind of reaction would Roxas have to seeing his crush folding his underwear?

Ooooohhh! This was going to be fun!

888

Naminé stared intently at her sketchbook. _Which one?_ she pondered as she flipped the pages. _Which one of these sketches is worthy of canvas?_

Her musings were interrupted by a knock on the door. She looked up as the door opened and gulped when she saw whom it was.

"Good morning, Naminé," Larxene said with her tiger grin. "I'm not interrupting the artistic process I hope?"

"Er, no," Naminé lied. "How are you this morning?" she asked timidly, hoping that the woman would leave soon.

"Well, it just so happens that I'm in need of you help Naminé," Larxene grinned.

"My help?" the girl asked confused. Larxene couldn't possibly want her for anything nice. "Doing what?"

"Laundry."

"Oh." Well that was minor relief. Laundry wasn't any fun, but at least the Savage Nymph wasn't making her do anything bad. "Okay. I'll help," she said putting down her sketchbook.

"Splendid."

888

Naminé revised the "nothing bad" assessment when she saw the fourteen huge baskets.

"You mean we have to do all of this?" she couldn't keep the dismay out of her voice. Larxene nodded.

"See why I dragged you down here?" she said, "It'd take me a week to do it by myself."

"It might take a week anyway," Naminé complained. "It'll take all day at the least. Where do we even start?"

"Sorting everything out of course," Larxene said matter-of-factly. "Colors, whites, delicates, and anything that has to be pretreated. Then it's just an assembly line."

Naminé nodded gloomily.

"We'll do ours first," Larxene continued, "That way our clothes don't have to go in with all the smelly boy stuff."

The girl giggled.

As they began Naminé noticed something. "Larxene?"

"What is it?"

"How come there's none of the official Organization gear?"

"Oh," the Nymph shrugged. "All that's leather, so Superior sends it out to a specialty cleaners in Traverse Town."

"I see."

A little while later…

"Ewww…You weren't kidding about smelly boys."

"Nope."

"Is this blood?"

"Most likely."

"From what?"

"Considering that's Saïx's shirt I don't think we want to know."

888

"What makes this kind of stain?"

"Gunpowder."

"Gunpowder? How do you get gunpowder out?"

888

"All of Axel's stuff has scorch marks."

"Well it's Axel, isn't it? Frikken pyro," Larxene muttered. "Damnit! What's this junk all over Demyx's pants?"

"Some kind of poly, I think," Naminé answered. She was staring hard at a pair of Axel's blue jeans (well theoretically they had been blue once).

"What does he need that for?" the Nymph complained.

"It's the finish he puts on the instruments he makes."

"Well it's a bitch to get out!"

"No worse than this," the girl sighed indicating the jeans. "Axel's really hard on his clothes."

"Nah, he's got some nice stuff he takes care of, but his play clothes? Yeah, he's almost as mean to them as he is to Vexen. Huh, down in that garage of his tinkering with his bike," Larxene snorted, remembering how he'd always paid more attention to the motorcycle than he had to her.

"Ewww…axle grease," Naminé whined.

Larxene blinked and then burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" the girl asked.

"_Think _about it."

"Umm," a light came on.

"Ewwwww!" Naminé shrieked dropping the pants, her face turning a brilliant shade of crimson. This only made Larxene laugh harder. She ended up having to sit down on the floor until she calmed down.

"Heheheh, axle grease! I'll have to remember that one," she grinned wiping her eyes. She looked up to see Naminé staring at the pants with a look of absolute horror on her face. She cracked up again.

"I don't see what's so funny," the girl was nearly sobbing.

"Oh, have a spine would you? It's nothing to get upset about," the Nymph snapped. "For starters, on those pants you'd never know, they're coated with oil and engine grease, and second you deal with much worse every month."

Naminé bit her lip. "I guess you're right, but still…ew."

"Well if you're going to associate with y-chromosomes you'd better get used to it."

"It's still icky."

"Don't be such a wuss about it. It's not like contact poison or anything."

Naminé still looked extremely unhappy. Larxene glared at her.

"What gives? I thought you read shonan-ai manga."

"Well the stuff I buy never goes into the messy part alright."

The Savage Nymph rolled her eyes. "The 'messy part' is the fun part. What kind of witch is so bashful?"

"I am."

888

As it turned out, she wasn't quite that bashful.

"These are cute," she giggled folding a pair of Roxas' shorts. They had little heart-shaped keys all over them. They were also fairly new Larxene remembered. She'd been with Axel and Roxas on that shopping trip when Roxas picked them out; they were his new favorite pair.

A wicked idea entered the Nymph's mind.

"Yeah, they're a bit too cutesy for Roxas. Axel bought the for him as a joke, because of the keys." She tried out the next sentence in her head. "You can have them if you want. He hardly ever wears them. Only when he's got nothing else. That's why there's hardly any wear on them."

Naminé stared at shorts, clearly tempted. "What would I want them for?" she asked.

"Oh, as pajama bottoms, you know to sleep in." _I can't believe I said that straight face,_ she thought to herself.

"Are you sure he won't mind?"

"Positive." _Come on take the bait!_

"Well, as long as you're sure," Naminé said with a happy smile and placed the folded shorts on top of her own laundry basket.

_Score!_

888

Several hours later the girls sat back and admired their handiwork. It was done. All of it. Impossible as it had seemed.

"Well that's a beastly job well done. Now we just have to deliver it," Larxene sighed. _Time for the next phase_, she sniggered to herself.

Naminé could only manage one basket at time, so Larxene gave her the ones that went to the lower floors, while she took the ones that had to be carried further. As soon as the girl disappeared through a portal, she made an 'adjustment' to Roxas' basket.

Grinning wickedly, she left.

They met up again, as they came back to laundry room for their own baskets.

"You did a good job Naminé," Larxene said, and was surprised to find out despite her ulterior motive, she actually meant it.

The girl blushed. "Thank you."

"You know," the Nymph said casually, "you should come hang out in my room tonight."

Naminé looked startled. Larxene had never invited her before.

"Come on it'll be fun! Just you and me," she coaxed. "Besides, don't you get tired of the boys sometimes?"

Well, after having done their laundry, she _was_ thoroughly fed up with them. And it hadn't been bad at all working with Larxene today. She'd even offered to take Roxas' basket to his room when she saw how tired the witch was getting. Come to think of it, the Nymph only became savage when she though Marluxia was paying too much attention to her.

"Well, okay I guess," she answered with a timid smile.

"Perfect! I'll get some sweets and we'll meet up after dinner." She winked at Naminé, "And you can wear your new pj's."

Naminé giggled as Larxene took her basket and left. Maybe this would be fun. She hoped so.

As she went to pick up her basket she noticed a small stack next to her it. It was a pile of Roxas' undershirts and shorts. She could tell from the little XIII's printed all over the top pair. She shrugged, assuming that Larxene had folded them and just forgot to put them in the basket, and put them on top of hers. She could take them to Roxas' room before dinner.

888

"So, how's …you know…?" Roxas asked his best friend as they walked down the hall. They were going to pick up Naminé for dinner.

"I know what?" Axel asked, deliberately being difficult.

"Don't start that," Roxas said irritably, "You know what I'm taking about."

"Gimme a hint?" the Flurry grinned.

"That 'thing' you don't want me blabbing to the castle in general, but just might find its way to Marluxia's ear if you don't stop being a weenie."

Axel pouted. "I thought you didn't care. You said you didn't want to know."

"I do so care!" he insisted. "I just don't want the XXX version."

"Of course," he added slyly, "according to Luxord, you two haven't made it past PG yet."

Axel snorted. "What does he know about it?"

"He knows you've been sharing a room for a week and neither of you have been walking funny." Roxas grinned evilly at the look of blatant outrage on Axel's face.

"Why that—note to self: burn Number X's favorite deck," the pyro snarled. Roxas sniggered.

"Roxas!"

The Key of Destiny looked down the hall. Naminé was just coming out of her room carrying something.

"Great timing!" she said. "I was on my way to your room."

Roxas felt his cheeks warm. "My room? How come?"

"I helped Larxene with the laundry today. She forgot these when she took the rest of your clothes up." She held the bundle out to him.

Roxas stared. His underwear. Naminé was holding his underwear. He was suddenly plunged into his very own rosy hued hell of humiliation. Beside him he heard Axel sniggering. Naminé was still innocently holding the clothes out to him, a look of concern on her face.

"Um…are you okay Roxas? You got very red very quickly."

"I-I-I-I'm fine! Perfectly fine!" he gulped and snatched the bundle from her unresisting hands, dropping a pair in the process.

"Roxas?"

"Umm…thanks!" he yelped and high tailed it into a portal. Naminé picked up the fallen shorts.

"Roxas, you dropped…" he was gone, "…a pair," she finished in confusion. Axel was leaning against the wall laughing.

"Instant karma," he snickered. "Gotta love it!"

Naminé was staring at the abandoned shorts. They were blue with gold stars all over them.

"Don't worry about it," Axel said taking them from her and stuffing them in a pocket. "I'll give them to him later. Let's get something to eat."

888

Larxene was good to her word. She also had pretty good taste Naminé had to admit, chocolate mousse (which she was pretty sure the Nymph had stolen from Demyx) and a chick flick that didn't induce nausea.

"We should do that sometime," Larxene said pointing at the screen.

"Do what? Kill one of the guys twice?"

She laughed. "There's hope for you yet. I meant the midnight margaritas, but we can kill one the boys twice if you like."

Naminé frowned, "But I'm too young for alcohol."

"Don't be such a goody-goody," Larxene snorted, "I hate that. Besides, a little taste won't kill you. It's not like you've never had it before."

"Yes it is!" the girl protested.

"What do you think was in the eggnog Luxord made last Christmas?"

Naminé looked horrified.

"Oh stop it. It was just a little nip, so you and Roxas would fall asleep quicker and not get scarred for life, and trust me, things happened at that party that _would _have scarred you."

"Like what?" the witch asked fascinated by the forbidden.

"Luxord had a major winning streak in strip poker. Pun intended."

"Who was he playing against?"

"Lexaeus, Xaldin, and Xigbar."

She thought about this for a minute. "Remind me thank Luxord," she said finally.

888

"Roxas calm down."

"She set me up! She planned the whole thing! Demyx always does the laundry. Why else would she do it?"

"Maybe because Superior told her too?" Axel hazarded, but Roxas was beyond listening.

"Look Roxas she probably just made Naminé help her, just like she said."

"Axel, it's _Larxene_."

He had a point. Axel had to give him that. She probably had set it up, just get under Roxas' skin. But he knew how the Nymph worked, this was just the first shoe, if Roxas didn't calm down he was going to get kicked in the butt by the second.

888

Larxene sighed. "If it really bothers you that much they can be virgin margaritas, okay?"

She was braiding Naminé's hair, mostly just for the heck of it. She looked cute with pigtails.

"Okay," the witch said sounding relieved.

"Now then, which of the boys should we kill twice?"

"Hm-mmm…I don't know," she giggled. "Who do you think?"

888

"Roxas this is a bad idea. Trust me on this!"

"Yeah! It was a bad idea for Larxene to mess with my underpants!"

Axel groaned. It wasn't very often that he had to convince Roxas _not _to do something. It usually went the other way around, and he was the one setting people up. He wasn't used to talking people _out _bad ideas.

He was beginning to think he sucked at it.

888

"How about Axel? I owe him one for dumping me."

"But you were cheating on him anyway."

"Well, I haven't figured out who he left me for. It's been bugging me. It wasn't you, was it?"

Naminé looked horrified. "Of course not! Where'd you get that idea?"

"Oh, don't be so gullible, I know it's not you," she laughed. "But I just can't help but wonder who he's gay for."

"Oh."

"Seems kind of odd though. Never thought he'd swing that way."

"Why?"

"Well, Axie-kins hates being dominated. That's the other reason he left."

Naminé looked confused. "Dominated?"

"Don't worry too much about it."

"If you say so."

"Do you know who it is?" the Nymph grinned evilly. She was certain that Naminé knew. Axel would have told Roxas and Roxas would have told the witch.

The witch looked uncomfortable.

"Come on," Larxene said sweetly. "I'll keep it a secret."

"Roxas made me promise," she protested.

"Pleeeease?"

"I promised!"

"I'll keep it to myself, I won't even tell Marluxia," she wheedled.

"But I promised!"

"Oh all right," Larxene relented. Roxas was going to mad enough as it was. Speaking of which, he should be here any minute now…

The door banged open. Naminé shrieked and jumped. Larxene smirked.

"Nymph! Get out here! I'm gonna—what the? Naminé?"

"Roxas? What's going on?"

Roxas didn't answer. He was staring at Naminé. She was sitting next to the Savage Nymph, eyes wide, hair in pigtails and a smear of chocolate on the corner her mouth. She was wearing a loose t-shirt and …

"A-are those my…"

"Oh, um, yeah. Larxene said you wouldn't mind, cause you didn't like them."

His favorite pair, Naminé was wearing his favorite pair of boxer shorts as pajamas. This was not something his brain could handle.

"I'm sorry Roxas. I didn't realize you wanted them," Larxene grinned.

"Roxas are you okay?" the witch asked. He looked rather panicked.

"Here, Naminé, take those off and give them back to Roxas. You can wear a pair of mine."

"Mwaa," Roxas moaned. There was an unpleasant biological moment, when the blood couldn't decide which to direction to rush, and then his eyes rolled back and he folded up gently on the floor.

"Oh dear," Naminé whispered. "Is he alright?"

"Nothing a cold shower won't fix," Larxene said smugly.

"We should help him."

"Oh Tweedledumb will be along shortly," she said confidently.

"Larxene!"

"See?"

Axel stared at the heap of Keyblade bearer on the floor. "What did you do to him?"

"Moi? Nothing. He'll be fine once the blood decides to go back to his brain."

Axel stared hard at her. Then he looked at Naminé.

"Oh, I see. You're evil, you know that right?"

"It's part of my charm," the Nymph smiled prettily, batting her eyelashes.

Axel snorted and hefted Roxas over his shoulder.

"I didn't know 'charm' was the same as 'devious'," he said and stalked out of the room.

"Always has to have the last word, doesn't he?" Larxene laughed as she closed the door. She turned back to Naminé.

"Well?"

"You were right," the witch grinned. "That was fun."

Fin.


End file.
